Jesus the Friend: The Ministry We’re All Called To
There’s a scene that sits with me as I try to formulate the words for one of the closest issues to my heart. I imagine a male pastor as he stands on stage and talks about his family. He talks about how marriage is a sanctifying process and how he’s never truly understood the love of God until he himself became a father. He talks about how important the family is and how the Church is like a family, therefore connecting God the father and us as the Church. “There is no love greater than this, “the pastor preaches.
But that’s not the story for everyone. The Church is full of people who are single, who are married but don’t have kids, or who have fraught relationships with their own families. Yes, God the Father is one of the most beautiful identities our God has, but there is even more to Him than that one identity.
I’ve struggled to put these thoughts into words because I don’t want to disparage people who have experienced God’s love through marriage and/or parenthood. I myself have begun to see God’s love in a new light because of my own marriage, and I can’t wait to experience love as a mother when I have my own children.
What I want to do, though, is pay more attention to the identity of Jesus the Friend. Throughout His ministry, Jesus took in the outcasts and rebuked the zealots. He preached radical love and taught His disciples how to love one another. He even made love the cornerstone of Christianity when He said in John 13:34-35, “‘A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.’”
Later, in John 15, Jesus further ties love to friendship. Right before Jesus is arrested, He takes the time to exhort His apostles and prepare them for the times to come. In this exhortation, He elevates their status from apostle to friend.:
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
When I think about how I want to live my life, these passages are what guide me. I’ve always found it fascinating that Jesus didn’t say, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples - if you take care of your children” or “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples - if you are a good spouse.” What’s so radical about the kind of love Jesus talks about is that it takes work to love people who are not your family. In Matthew 7:9-10, Jesus notes how natural it is for us to love our own family: “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?”
Friendship, however, might feel natural at first, but it takes work to maintain. Lives get in the way. We get married and have kids. Jobs take us across the country. How are we supposed to “love one another” and “lay our lives down” if we’re taking care of a million other things at home? We tend to set friends on the lower end of the totem pole, calling them up once in a while when we have the time. But I don’t think that’s what Jesus intended for us when He said to love one another. Love is an action. It takes work. it takes sacrifice. And love is meant to be shared with more than who we’re related to.
The Calling of Friendship
I literally could not write this blog without my best friend. She called me today to talk about life, and I told her how I was struggling to write this particular post. I had finally gotten into a groove last night, and she had called twice, and then I accidentally deleted my progress, and when I tried to start again, my husband called. I threw up my hands and said, “I’m done for the night. I guess I’m just dedicated to being a friend tonight, even though all I want to do is write about being a friend.” She laughed at the story and then reflected with me on what a holy friendship entails and how it’s been the consistent healing balm in both our lives.
Mal and I have been best friends for almost 13 years. That’s more than a decade of road trips, late-night ice cream binges, and heart-to-hearts dreaming of our futures by the pool. We’ve seen each other at our highest highs and our lowest lows. We’ve sat with each other while lamenting over heartbreak and counseled one another on job interviews, other friendships, and our journeys in faith. We’ve fought and have gone for weeks without speaking, but we made it back to one another and strengthened our friendship even more. Our lives keep shifting around us, but our friendship remains consistent - ebbing and flowing with the craziness of life.
She and I both value our friendship as one of our highest priorities, and it has been such a reward throughout our lives. Mal and I lead each other to Jesus constantly. We encourage one another with prayer, lift each other up with humor, and support one another in other relationships. Both of us feel called to this friendship, the same way I feel called to be married to my spouse or how I feel called to write. I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for the friendships in my life, especially the one I have with Mal.
The Ministry of Friendship
I don’t think Mal’s and my friendship is singular. There are so many women, especially Christian women, who have close friendships they cherish. They support one another in their careers, build communities to take care of their kids, and brighten up each other’s lives with humor and shared experiences. Their friendships truly minister to their souls, and it’s so beautiful.
What’s great about the ministry of friendship is that everyone is called to it. Anyone can be a friend, and it is legitimately what Jesus has called us to do - to love one another in friendship. That’s what sets us apart as Christians.
If you don’t have friends like this or you’d like to start investing more into your friendships, I encourage you to make it an intentional prayer. Pray for God to surround you with a community that builds you up and invests in you. Pray for wisdom and love so that you can start building up those friendships. Then, start being the friend you want to be. If you want love and acceptance, start loving and accepting others. If you want to have game nights or go on adventures with people, start planning those events! Be the friend you’ve always needed, and your new friends will act in kind.
I pray that as you develop your friendships or lean more into the ones you have, that they truly become the healing balm you’ve hoped for. I pray that your acts of friendship turn into the ministry Jesus intended.
