The Woman I Hope to be when This is All Over
When my husband and I returned from our honeymoon to Australia, I thought the worst thing I’d have to deal with was jet lag. But as I went to the office that first week of March, there was an eerie sense that things were about to change. Because I work at a job that is heavily influenced by the government, we were on the edge of our seats waiting for any type of directive. First, it was that we should work from home for two weeks, but “two weeks” very quickly turned to “until further notice.”
Most of March was spent wondering, “What in this world is going on?” I was honestly incredibly grateful to be at home and not to have to take the one hour commute every day, but it seemed that everyone was scrambling to find some sense of normalcy in “not normal” times. Then, as we all settled into some semblance of routine, my newsfeed started blowing up with hyped up articles and videos touting conspiracy theory upon conspiracy theory. People went from downplaying the coronavirus to saying it was a “deep state” conspiracy to control us all and take away our freedoms. Then, when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my friends and I lamented the murder of Ahmaud Arbery and other people of color killed by senseless violence.
That’s a lot to handle, especially for someone like me who feels things so incredibly deeply. I went from feeling confused and overwhelmed by all the people posting conspiracies to then feeling a deep sadness over the killings and then feeling gratitude for having a home and job during COVID and then back to just an overall depression about the state of the world. Let me tell you - it’s been exhausting.
Throughout this big bundle of emotions, though, the Lord has been constant. Virtually every morning I’ve made it a priority to sit with Him and lean on Him as I try to figure out my place in all this. What is my role during and post-pandemic? At this moment, the only thing I can really do is hope and pray and take small steps to becoming who I’m created to be, but for right now, here are my prayers:
I hope to be a woman who lifts people up
My lead pastor says, “Before you criticize someone, pray for them.” When I first heard that, I knew that was going to be a challenge. I hate to admit that I can be an incredibly critical person. I have “high standards,” and if someone doesn’t meet them, I can pretty vocal about it. This is especially true of people I do not understand or agree with.
Well, the quarantine has made it blatantly clear that I am going to be surrounded by people I do not understand or agree with, but the Lord is teaching me in the kindest ways possible that, “That is life.”
As the Lord led me in acceptance of my situation, my perspective changed from “I’m stuck here” to “I’m waiting for what the Lord has in store.” And, as I wait, I know it’s my responsibility to (1) acknowledge that the Lord still has plans for me during this period and (2) glorify the Lord in all i say and do, even as I wait for my prayers to be answered.
Part of glorifying the Lord is using my words to build people up, not tear them down, even if you think you know better than they do. The Bible says a lot about our words and how to use them:
“Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24)
“A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.” (Proverbs 18:4)
“Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction.” (Proverbs 18:20)
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20)
The Lord has also been pressing onto my heart:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye..” (Matthew 7:3-5)
I want to be a woman who speaks truth in love and kindness. With every word I speak, I want to glorify the Lord. May my words be like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. May my words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach. And Lord, may I be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for I want to be a woman who leads, not one who is led by anger or fear.
As I pray these scriptures, the Lord encourages me to act. I’ve been practicing lifting others up in prayer, especially those who I don’t agree with. I carefully word my emails and social media posts so that they are encouraging and respectful, and I strive at work to be a light and voice for my coworkers.
What this all boils down to is that I hope to be a woman who points others to God, and if my words don’t match my actions, then I could do serious harm. If I claim to be a Christ follower yet fuel my words with anger or lies, then I am not worthy to bear His name.
My Legacy
All of these thoughts can be summed up in “Legacy,” (2002) by Nichole Nordemon. This song captured my heart when I was a kid, and it’s stayed with me all these years:
I want to leave a legacy,
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
Lord, may my life leave a legacy that points others to you.
The Practicality in it All
So, this is all well and good, but how do you put it into practice?
Here are three things I do to make sure I’m building others up and not tearing them down:
Start with empathy - I try to put myself in their shoes and understand how and why they’re feeling the way they do. This is especially true of people on my social media feed. I know people are angry and hurting, and they want to go back to work. When we speak words in anger, we end up regretting them later on. I know I’ve made poor decisions and spoken hurtful things when anger, so I take what they say with a grain (or bucket) of salt
Stand firm in the truth - I am incredibly confident in the Lord and His plan for us, and I know His love is boundless. I also am well educated and know how to think critically, so I am confident in my abilities to weed out truth from exaggeration and misleading claims. I stand firm to what I know to be true while being open to others’ thoughts and interpretations.
Speak in love - Sometimes this takes a few drafts, but my main goal when speaking to someone is, “Be kind.” That’s been my mantra these past few months: “Just be kind.” I use a standard formula of, “Empathize. Clarify. Counter. Affirm.” That means that I step into their shoes, clarify what I’m hearing from them, counter the claims I find to not be truthful, but then affirm them as a person. This formula puts their humanity before their argument so I always remember that they are God’s children too. However, especially between Christians, I still find it our duty to check each other and make sure we’re all walking in love and truth.
Although these three steps sound simple, they can be mountains to walk over, especially when the last thing we want to do is be nice to someone who’s hurt us. I hope that each day I get better at speaking in love, and that one day, when someone remembers me, they have something good to look back on.
