Thoughts on Disagreement, Conflict, and Unity in the Church

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I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to write.

When Ahmaud Arbery was killed, the floodgates of my heart burst open, and I was filled with this need for justice. I wept each day for the loss of his life and the broken hearts of his family, and I was so angry at the overt racism throughout the whole case.

Then, George Floyd. I couldn’t watch the video, but the image kept popping up on my news feed. It broke me. Finally, though, the world agreed that an injustice had occurred and that the police officers should be held accountable.

Then the riots. Then, the arguing.

Christians began to argue with one another, and I was part of it. I began to see fellow Christians argue that Black Lives Matter wasn’t valid. They said that racism didn’t exist. They made fun of the protesters. They posted articles with misleading information or flat out lies.

But that wasn’t all Christians. Others posted verses about the End Times and told us to look out for Jesus’ return. They removed themselves from the situation and said just to read the Word, lean on Jesus, and prepare for when He comes back.

Then, there were the calls for unity. Christians stated that Satan was trying to divide us and that we need to be peaceful. Some even stated that Satan was causing the racism, almost like it hadn’t been an issue before February.

During this time of reading posts and also interacting with others, I felt torn. How do I (1) speak truth with love and grace; (2) choose which people to interact with and which posts to ignore; and (3) represent Jesus in a way that is authentic to both my faith and His example.

While figuring all this out, I’ve made a few mistakes. I’ve been hot headed. I snapped at a family member. I wasn’t as respectful as I could have been. I’ve also been braver than I’ve ever been. I didn’t back down when someone I respected posted something disrespectful, and I called him out on it. I tried to gently comment on posts that were spreading misinformation. Some people told me what I had shared was fake news, and others didn’t respond.

As I was engaging in these conversations, leaders at my church were engaging in prayer and lamentation. They were doing such an amazing job at seeking first the Kingdom of God, but there was something inside of me that was so frustrated. When do we pray, and when do we act? How do we act? How do we confront people who are proclaiming the name of Jesus yet, in our view, not speaking up for those who Jesus fought for?

As I figure out my place in all this, there are some verses that have come to mind that have helped me navigate the tensions I’ve been walking through.

Galatians 2:11-21 - Paul confronts Peter

11 But when Peter visited Antioch, he began to mislead the believers and caused them to stumble over his behavior, so I had to confront him to his face over what he was doing. 12 He enjoyed being with the non-Jewish believers who didn’t keep the Jewish customs, eating his meals with them—up until the time the Jewish friends of James arrived from Jerusalem. When he saw them, he withdrew from his non-Jewish friends and separated himself from them, acting like an orthodox Jew—fearing how it would look to them if he ate with the non-Jewish believers.

13 And so because of Peter’s hypocrisy, many other Jewish believers followed suit, refusing to eat with non-Jewish believers. Even Barnabas was led astray by their poor example and condoned this legalistic, hypocritical behavior!

14 So when I realized they were acting inconsistently with the revelation of grace, I confronted Peter in front of everyone:

“You were born a Jew and yet you’ve chosen to disregard Jewish regulations and live like a gentile. Why then do you force those who are not Jews to conform to the regulations of Judaism?

Peter used to eat with the Gentiles but then stopped eating and fellowshipping with them when other Jews gave him a hard time. Peter thus mistreated the Gentiles and did not treat them as part of God’s family, and other Jews followed suit. When Paul saw that Peter’s actions were causing others to stumble, he confronted Peter in front of others.

I’ve taken this passage to heart when talking to other Christians. If I feel like they are leading others astray, then I am going to say something. I’m fine with a confrontation, and I’m comfortable with an argument. I’d rather fight for those hurt by Christians’ words than worry about offending the Christians who are saying the hurtful things.

Now, I have to be respectful and loving about it, because even Jesus repaired the ear of the guard who captured him after Peter, funnily enough, cut it off. I also have to make sure that I’ve taken care of what’s in my own heart first., which brings me to…

Matthew 7: 1-5

7 “Refuse to be a critic full of bias toward others, and judgment will not be passed on you. 2 For you’ll be judged by the same standard that you’ve used to judge others. The measurement you use on them will be used on you. 3 Why would you focus on the flaw in someone else’s life and yet fail to notice the glaring flaws of your own? 4 How could you say to your friend, ‘Let me show you where you’re wrong,’ when you’re guilty of even more? 5 You’re being hypercritical and a hypocrite! First acknowledge your own ‘blind spots’ and deal with them, and then you’ll be capable of dealing with the ‘blind spot’ of your friend.

Man, this passage has wrecked me, even just reading this now. How am I judging the actions of others? Am I full of bios myself, or am I looking at each person with the eyes of Jesus? As I read the conflicting opinions of the Christians around me, I am so tempted to cast aside those who disagree with me and clump them with the “other.” It would be so easy to cut them out of my news feed and then my life. But the Lord keeps calling me back. He’s calling me to see beyond the profile picture and into their humanity, recognizing that there is a whole story behind the words they speak, just like there is a story behind mine. And I also have to remember that I was once in their shoes. I once said, “All Lives Matter.” I once thought racism was over. I can’t expect for everyone to think the way I do. As I’ve stated in “Weird Things I Learned Growing Up in the Church,” the Church wouldn’t be the true body of Christ of we all agreed or thought the same. And although there are fundamental things that I believe some of my brothers and sisters are wrong on, I have to be kind and patient.

Matthew 5:44

44 However, I say to you, love your enemy, bless the one who curses you, do something wonderful for the one who hates you,, and respond to the very ones who persecute you by praying for them.

The lead pastor of my church says, “Before you criticize someone, pray for them.” UGH. SO ANNOYING. WHY DO I HAVE TO PRAY FOR SOMEONE I DO NOT LIKE OR AGREE WITH???

I wish I were exaggerating for effect, but honestly, before this year, I would really struggle with praying for those who hurt me or who I vehemently disagreed with. What, you’re going to put up the Confederate flag, tell me your ancestors matter more than Black lives, and I then have to pray for you? Ugh. Give me a break!

But, the Lord in His infinite grace and wisdom really hit hard on this one this year. It was like this sore spot He kept poking before I would finally attend to it.

So, this month especially, I’ve been praying for people before I interact with them. I’ve been feeling more convicted to like their posts and to build a slow relationship with them before arguing with them. That doesn’t mean I don’t agree with them, but I do have compassion for people who were on the other side of my anger, even if I didn’t even express it to them.

If I want to be more like Jesus, I have to follow all His commands, not just the ones I like. I have to recognize that we are all His children, even the ones who are saying things that make me want to punch a window. But I know that when I build a relationship with someone, we are more open to hearing the other, and that’s where real healing and reconciliation can begin.

Conclusion - so what now?

Look, I’m a hot head by nature. I was raised by a Puerto Rican mother from the Bronx and a Marine Corps father. Tempers flare in my family. I’m also from New Jersey. Hello. When I don’t like something, I say something. When I feel like someone is being unkind or unfair, I speak up.

I’m also a teacher at heart. I want people to have the best and most accurate information out there. I want to help them think critically about what they’re reading and watching.

But I have to put all these aside when it comes to participating in God’s kingdom. Well, really, I have to give these all to Christ. Because with Christ, my passion/hotheadedness, my courage to confront, and my teaching heart can all be gifts to the Kingdom of God. However, when I go out on my own without the backing of Christ, I can burn things down real quick with my pride, unrelenting anger, and pompousness.

It is my choice to walk with God or not, but if I am going to walk with God, then I need to do things His way. And boy, am I stumbling. We all are.

But I pray that even through my failures that God is glorified. Even if this post can help someone confront their actions or biases, then maybe I’ve done something right.

The Lord calls for unity, but we cannot be unified if we do not confront our differences. We cannot walk together if we do not first discuss where we are going. And I think we need more people to stand up to one another and have honest conversations about what they’re thinking and feeling, keeping the Lord at the center the entire time. When we seek first His kingdom, He will align everything else. All we have to do is commit to sticking with Him and each other.

Let us all look to Him and let His light shine in our lives, our conversations, and relationships.