Weird Things I Learned Growing Up in the Church

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I don’t even know if I should be writing this, but, oh well. It’s almost 10:30 PM on a Friday night, and the world is weird right now. I might as now add some weirdness into it.

With recent events, I’ve seen the Church react in some different ways. Some have come together to lament, repent, and move forward together. Others have denied that racism exists and have called the protests a divisive measure from the devil to distract us from the 2020 elections. And then there are some others who are in the inbetween - watching, waiting, learning, and trying to figure out where they stand in all of this.

I’ve been pretty vocal about where I stand, but I want to make it clear here:

• Racism exists

• If you’re white, you’ve either been complicit in it and/or a beneficiary of it

• The Church needs to act and not only be part of the commitment to social justice, but also lead the way

So, now that that’s settled, let’s talk about weird things about church. I accepted Christ when I was 11, but I had been to a few different churches before then. Since coming to Christ, I’ve been a member of four incredibly different churches, and boy do I have observations!

So, if you’re in for a laugh or a discussion, come along.

Weird Thing 1: If you’re Christian, you are automatically a Republican

When I was in my early 20s I went back to my “home” church - the church where I accepted Christ, where I met some really close friends, learned to worship, and committed to living my life with acts of service to the community. So, it felt really good to be back, until the pastor started preaching. Sorry, let me rephrase. He started ranting with a Bible in his hands.

During this sermon-rant, he looks to his congregation and says, “AND IF YOU’RE A DEMOCRAT, YOU CAN JUST LEAVE RIGHT NOW!”

Well, okay then.

it’s an odd thing when you’re in church, and you should be worshiping Jesus, but then someone tells you you’re not welcome because of your political beliefs. I don’t remember reading that in the Gospels or Paul’s letters or even in Leviticus - and that’s a book of laws!

Since then, I’ve really kept quiet on my political beliefs in Christian settings. I think that has some advantages and disadvantages, but I don’t know. I’d rather we all have different political beliefs because it shows the true unity and family of Christ. If we all think the same, then it’s a sign that we’re not doing the work Jesus called us to do. We’re not going out into the world and making disciples. We’re not meeting people where they are and serving the poor, the homeless, and the widows.

I am a Christian before anything else (see this video on a great discussion of putting your faith before your identity). If I don’t agree with you politically, that doesn’t mean that either of us have betrayed our faith. It just means there’s an opportunity to talk and grow.

I attend a church now that remains neutral in political discussion but is vocal in the issues of social justice. They don’t promote candidates - they take care of people. They live out their convictions and admit when they make mistakes. No one’s perfect, but I’m really glad I have that example to look toward.

Weird Thing 2: Soccer uniforms are great for physical boundaries in relationships

Y’all. Christians are weird about relationships and dating in general. My youth leaders were incredibly concerned with us being physically intimate with one another, and to give us practical guidance, they told us we shouldn’t touch one another anywhere a soccer uniform covered.

From personal experience, I”m just going to say that advice was not helpful.

First, what kind of soccer uniform? Are we talking long sleeve or short sleeve? Beginning of the game jersey or Brandi Chastain celebration jersey? I feel like we need even more specifics here.

Also, is this for the entire dating relationship, or does the uniform change when you get engaged? Like, as soon as you put a ring on it, are going to gym volleyball uniform guidelines?

I get where the youth leaders were going, but focusing solely on actions without addressing the heart is pointless I was a kid who was trying to follow the rules, but I was always trying to figure out how to push the boundaries. I associated physical intimacy with acceptance, and that was a heart issue that should have been addressed in church. However, I was too ashamed to bring it up because I thought I was different than everyone else and I didn’t want to bring in my issues or questions. I thought I could handle it.

Spoiler alert: 17-year-olds are not good at holding it all together.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that youth leaders now are working to make things better. I’ll just say, though, telling a teenager not to do something is not the most effective way in getting them not to do it. Teenagers want to talk about it, but first they want to know that they can trust you and that they can make mistakes and that you’ll still love them. So, before any rules or regulations or laws, you need a trusted relationship, and that’s why small group leaders are so important. So, churches, be sure you’re investing in your small group leaders! Make sure they’re getting the resources they need so they can pour into our kids. It’s one of the most important investments you’ll make.

Weird Thing 3: The “End Times” are right around the corner

I have been hearing about the “End Times” since I was 11. I am now almost 30. Each time something bad happens, I hear from fellow Christians, “The End is coming! Look at the signs!” Protest? End times! Election? End times! Pineapple on pizza? End times!!!

I used to sit in my bed terrified that the Rapture was going to happen and that I’d be living my own Left Behind series. Hey, hey, Kirk Cameron!

I’ve been on edge for almost 20 years, and I honestly don’t know what to do with that energy.

What if, instead, we acknowledged that it could be the End Times, but it could also be a time to change. For example, if people are calling out racial injustices and are expressing their pain and anger, then maybe we should pay attention and try to take care of people instead of hole up in our houses and just wait to see what happens. Jesus’ mission doesn’t end until He comes back, so we might as well do the best we can until He gets here.

Weird Thing 4: Marriage means privilege

When I got married, a part of me was relieved. I felt like I could finally “fit in” with people at church.

Finally! Things were for me! Do you know how many sermons, programs, and small groups are meant for married couples? Let me tell you. A lot.

I hated being single. Hated it. Part of it was because of how lonely I was, but some of it was also because I just felt so left out in a community that should have accepted me. The Church tells you, “Jesus was single! Paul was single! Singleness is a gift!” But then they also tell you, “No, married people can’t serve They have too much stuff going on” or “Hey, singles, you’re important, but we’re going to focus this entire sermon series on married couples right now because families are the foundation of the church.”

When I was single, I was working two jobs and getting my MBA part time, and a married person with kids looked at me and said, “Wow! What do you do with all your free time?” I slept and sat at home alone and gained 30 pounds.

Another married person, while sitting next to me, said, “Yeah, a single person joined a group of us married people for lunch, and I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward.” So, I sat with her and her married friends the next Sunday and had lunch with them. The group did not talk to me except to say hello.

And when I would voice my frustrations, I was told, “Work on yourself more. You’re just not ready to be married. Remember! Being married is hard work, so don’t think it’s all going to be roses.”

Churches are made up of more than the nuclear family. There are people who are single, divorced, and widowed. There are single mothers and fathers doing their best. Maybe we should take a step back and see who’s in the church and who we need to address, and then carefully consider how we talk about marriage and singleness in sermons.

Conclusion

Some of this was just odd, quirky things from growing up in the church. Some of this was produced from years of pain and frustrations.

As churches and Christians recognize their shortcomings, I pray that we can begin to take a more holistic approach to how we serve our communities. That isn’t to say that churches aren’t doing that now, but obviously I think there’s even more opportunity to figure out how to be a truly unified community and take Jesus’ mission even further.